


A Little Too Familiar

by Elisheva_Nadir



Series: Summer Slump [3]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: F/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:21:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27172363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisheva_Nadir/pseuds/Elisheva_Nadir
Summary: Diana is Nadja's new familiar but Nandor can't seem to keep himself away from her.Experimental writing style.
Relationships: Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Summer Slump [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983262
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1: Rolling

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my Summer Slump series.
> 
> This is HEAVILY experimental as far as writing and how I'm used to structuring a story. I hope it's as fun to read as it was to write.

CAMERA A: _Interior of recently renovated bathroom. Unlike the rest of the house the bathroom is done in white, bottle green, and wooden accents. The tile of the floor is done in a mix of white, green, and various gray to make geometric patterns. The distorted view of a naked woman in the shower can be seen through the semi-transparent shower curtain, her arms raised to massage her scalp. Steam covers the mirrors in the bathroom and wafts up from the shower._

CAMERA B: _Close-up of Nandor’s face as he bares his teeth in his attempt at an approachable smile. The steam of the shower collects on his hair that is half pulled back and on the fur collar of his ankle length overcoat._

NANDOR: Oopsie

CAMERA A: _The shower curtain is ripped back and then quickly closed, a wet head popping out to yell angrily. The semi-transparent shower curtain reveals more of the woman’s body than it hides as she pulls it close to her body._

DIANA: Nandor! What the fuck! What the actual fuck! And you! My contract says no cameras when I’m naked. Out! Get the fuck out right now!

CAMERA B: _Nandor opens his mouth in protest but doesn’t say anything and waves his hands in a ‘get out’ motion_. 

CAMERA A: _The view swings from a naked Diana to the bathroom door they had entered and a hand from behind the camera reaches out to quickly open the door. The camera shakes as the operator starts a half-paced jog down the hallway._

CAMERA B: _Nandor ducks as a plastic bottle of shampoo is chucked at him followed by a sopping wet loofa that hits him squarely on the chest, leaving a large wet spot on his blue silk shirt._

NANDOR, _whining:_ Now you have ruined my shirt. It can only be cleaned by a special kind of soap and not the soap that has touched your filthy human body. Guillermo! 

DIANA: Get! The! Fuck! Out!

CAMERA B: _Tight focus on Diana as each yell is punctuated by a bottle chucked at the camera. A bottle connects squarely with the camera lens and it jerks backward, the camera panning to the white ceiling for a moment, the operator stumbling back and finally turning to leave._

* * *

**TALKING HEAD**

_Cut to a calm and seated Nandor who is fussing with the way his shirt lays._

NANDOR: So that is Diana. A bit of a handful for a familiar but there you have it. Not everyone can have the foresight like myself to have a useful familiar. We are trying to indulge Nadja by letting her have Diana. What with that unfortunate business with June.

_Cut to Diana seated on a tall pub chair, her arms and legs crossed as a fashionable brown Doc Martin boot bobs over and over into view. Her mouth is pulled into a deep frown which is exaggerated by the red lipstick she wears. Her hand shoots out, her index finger tipped in a long mint colored nail, pointing accusingly at the camera._

DIANA: The fuck I say about filming me like that?

OFF CAMERA: Can you tell us about your history with Nandor?

_Diana rolls her eyes and gives a couple of sighs, gesturing with one hand as she tries to come up with what to say._

DIANA: There’s no history. He’s a perv that doesn’t respect boundaries.

* * *

B FOOTAGE   
_Nandor stands in a grimy looking bathroom. The bath tub is full of an unknown murky liquid that ripples now and again. The shower has no curtain attached and it appears the toilet has been ripped out from the floor and a pair of pliers appear to be the only thing keeping a water leak at bay._

NANDOR: Guillermo! Clean this up.

* * *

  
**TALKING HEAD**

NANDOR: It seems that Nadja has been indulging Diana a bit. Diana wanted a nice bathroom for “the girls” but the man that was hired… Laszlo took offense to the cost he charged for fixing the bathroom and ate him. It was terribly inconsiderate. That man was supposed to fix my bathroom too. It’s not fair Nadja and her familiar have the only nice bathroom. 

_Cut to Nadja smiling brightly, her sharp white fangs shining in the lamplight. Her hands are folded neatly in her lap, pale against the deep red color of her elaborate dress._

NADJA: When I was still a human I had a baby sister. I was a grown up when she was born, I had just turned 11, and she was such a joy. She was supposed to be named after our great-great grandmother, Raluca, but mother named her Irina after the crazy woman in the village who lived with dogs. The crazy woman gave my mother special herbs to make the pregnancy with Irina better and so instead of going into blind rages my mother was very calm and constantly smoking. Out of gratitude she named the baby Irina because she didn’t even notice she had given birth until halfway through the day. Picking potatoes is very labor intensive work and mother always wanted to get the picking done as quickly as possible. Irina was the best baby sister up until she died of the plague when she was 3. We used to stay up late into the night having deep philosophical discussions and teasing each other about who we would marry. We promised each other we would always find each other no matter where we were. Diana does not remember it because she has a weak human brain but she is my baby sister, Irina, brought back to life. 

_Cut to Diana, slouched in her chair, pinching the bridge of her nose as she takes several calming breaths._

DIANA: I mean I feel a little bad people are going to know I was taking advantage of what I thought was a rich crazy lady but, you know, I didn’t really think I was going to have to keep going this long with the whole familiar shenanigans. 

_Roll of B footage shows Guillermo in the back of the entry way, holding a feather duster as Nadja loudly calls for Laszlo and Nandor to share the exciting news that she has found her sister. Guillermo frowns and grips the duster tighter as Laszlo and Nandor appear. Nadja exclaims over how much she and Diana look alike and that she is going to make Diana into a vampire. Nadja is diminutive next to Diana who stands nearly as tall as Nandor and the only cursory similarities they share are their brown eyes and long black hair._

GUILLERMO: Jealous? Why would I be jealous? It’s wonderful Nadja thinks she found her sister. I mean I don’t believe it. I guess I don’t really believe in reincarnation. Not that reincarnation is dumb. I’m not calling Hindus or Buddhists dumb for believing in reincarnation. That would be really insensitive. I’m just saying it’s unlikely. 

_Guillermo smiles nervously and absently brushes his hair back from his face. He starts to say something else but off camera Nandor calls to him._

GUILLERMO: That’s my master, I better go. 

_Cut to Laszlo sitting by one of the many fire places in the house. He has a glass of scotch in one hand that he doesn’t drink from but instead uses to gesture while he talks._

LASZLO: The whole bloody things made up. My poor, dearest, beloved wife hallucinated having a baby sister in 1972 after we spent a week eating mortals who had taken LSD. For six months after that, non-stop, every toddler was suddenly her sister Irina. It was quite the kerfuffle having to return these toddlers back to their families. All children look the same to me but when I returned the Ramirez’s child back to the Johnson’s and the Johnson’s child back to the Ramirez’s well… let’s just say 1973 up until 1975 was the longest cross country road trip we’d ever taken until the dust settled on that one. 

* * *

CAMERA A: _Nadja and Nandor can be seen arguing in the living room, Nadja gesturing widely with her hands and pointing accusingly at Nandor. Nandor holds his hands in front of himself defensively, palms facing Nadja._

NANDOR: It was a mistake and what am I supposed to do with my bathroom in disrepair? Laszlo ate the man of hands.

NADJA: Handyman! It’s handyman. Even I know that. You could hire your own and stay out of my bathroom or share with Laslzo!

CAMERA B: _Laslzo stumbles into the room, his duster coat draped over one arm as if he’s just come in from an errand._

LASLZO: He’ll what?

CAMERA A: _Nandor and Nadja turn to look at Laslzo who has one foot drawn back as if he means to retreat._

NADJA, _pouting:_ Laslzo, share your bathroom with Nandor. He can’t be in mine.

LASLZO: How dare you spy on my lady wife you blaggard! 

NADJA: Laslzo – _huffing_ – that’s not what I mean. Nandor was spying on Diana.

NANDOR and LASLZO overlapping: 

NANDOR: I was not spying.

LASLZO: Who?

NADJA, _fed-up_ : My sister. I will not have Nandor upset my poor baby sister by spying on her in the bathroom. She is only human and very, very stupid and is easily led astray by a much older man. 

CAMERA B: _A close up of Nandor's face shows he is displeased with being called old._

CAMERA A: _Laslzo has come into the room to wrap his arm around Nadja as she pleads with him_. 

NADJA: Please, Laszlo, let Nandor share your bathroom so I can protect my baby sister. She is very beautiful like myself and men will try to take advantage of her.

LASLZO: I’m not sure about that but Nandor and I will come to an arrangement.

CAMERA B: _Nandor throws his arms up into the air in exasperation, visibly annoyed with Nadja's insistence that he is a threat to Diana._

COLIN, _enters off camera_ : Oh, gee, if you need a bathroom I can always share. In the 6th century it was considered a bonding-

NANDOR: Not now Colin Robinson!


	2. Chapter 2: Off Camera

Diana sighed, clicking through another makeup tutorial and switching tabs to add one more item to her basket. She was already at $400 and she wasn’t even positive she had all the makeup Nadja needed. Looking for “pale makeup” tutorials turned up a lot of extreme goth looks and not necessarily ones for Nadja's deathly pallor.

Nadja wanted to have a makeover party where they did each others makeup and Diana was anxious about making Nadja look foolish by her lack of skills. Diana had been buying and wearing the same felt tipped eyeliner and mascara since high school and only branched out to foundation and blush when she was going on a nice date. Lately she had been wearing lipstick, the very same lipstick Nadja wore, at Nadja's behest. Even though she couldn’t taste blood on the lipstick she couldn’t help the phantom taste of pennies every now and again. 

A light knock at the doorjamb shook Diana out of her reverie and she scowled at Guillermo who took halting steps into what was now the computer room. 

“It’s my turn at the computer,” Guillermo said, his voice shaking. 

Diana sighed deeply, wanting to mock Guillermo, knowing he resented her presence in the house but held back. It wasn’t his fault the house was such a relic.

“I’m buying make-up for Nadja. I’ll be done soon. Besides, go use your own laptop.”

“I was being polite. It’s been my turn for 20 minutes now. And I can’t use my laptop, my master is using it.” 

Diana turned around slowly, lowering the prescriptionless glasses she wore down her nose. The yellow tint of the lenses were exaggerated in the Tiffany lamps that lit the room. 

“You let him use your laptop? What a dick. Go take it back,” Diana said, shaking her head. Guillermo started to squirm, his hands tugging at his sweater.

“You shouldn’t say that,” Guillermo protested, his gaze darting around nervously as if Nandor were likely to hear.

“What? I can’t call him a dick?” Diana asked, purposefully raising her voice to a step above comfortable conversation. 

“Shhh! He’ll hear.”

“I doubt he’s going to hear me call him a dick. Maybe if I yell he’s a fucking dick,” Diana said, getting a touch louder. “Stand up for yourself, go take your laptop back,” Diana said and pushed her computer glasses back up her nose and turned back around. She had asked Nadja for a desk set up and whoever Nadja had managed to hypnotize at Best Buy had set them up with a very nice dual monitor situation with screens so crisp and bright Diana had, had to order glasses that blocked out the blue light.

“You really shouldn’t say that,” Guillermo pleaded, stepping further into the room. 

“Say what?” Diana asked, adding a jar of La Mer to her basket. She’d always wanted to try the really bougie stuff. 

“You know,” Guillermo whispered.

“Don’t think I do,” Diana said, trying hard not to smile. Guillermo reminded her of her younger brother an awful lot. Terribly nervous. Constantly worrying. And forever displeased with everyone around him.

Guillermo mumbled something and Diana turned her head enough so that her ear sort of faced him.

“Didn’t quite catch that,” Diana said and felt the corner of her mouth twitch as she fought not to smile as Guillermo mumbled a little louder. “I really am having-"

“I said you can’t call Nandor a fucking dick,” Guillermo hissed.

“Guillermo! What did you call me?” Nandor asked, scandalized. 

“Nothing! Nothing, Master. I didn’t call you anything,” Guillermo protested, stumbling over himself as he turned to look at Nandor. Diana looked over her shoulder and saw that Nandor was in one of his many elaborate house coats, this one a deep turquoise that had embroidery in black and yellow accents. He held Guillermo's laptop aloft in one hand as he frowned in that perpetual look of disgusted disapproval he was so fond of. 

“Guillermo, take this, I care not for the male singles who are in my area,” Nandor said, nearly dropping the laptop on the floor instead of into Guillermo’s flailing hands. “They haven’t stopped bothering me since I clicked that link.”

“Oh… oh, no,” Guillermo said, rushing off to fix and delete whatever virus Nandor had managed to inadvertently download. 

Nandor sat down, more like unfurled into the wingback chair that was to the side of Diana. She largely ignored him as she wrapped up her shopping – good god $700 for fucking make-up – but it was eerie to see Nandor out of the corner of her eye but at the same time sense a Nandor sized dead space. He was like an oppressive negative space that kept drawing her in.

“Do you need something?” Diana asked, checking her monthly subscription to see if this was the order that the restock of dish soap came in or not. 

“You are impertinent,” Nandor said.

“Easy tiger, don’t hurt yourself with big words like that.” 

“You are vile and those glasses are hideous.” 

Diana turned lazily in her chair, letting her glasses dangle off her nose. 

“I don’t _have_ to call a contractor to fix your bathroom you know,” Diana threatened even as she regretted already having had called someone. 

“I don’t need you to do that,” Nandor sniffed, smoothing the lapels of his coat down, the rings he wore clicking together. “Guillermo is more than capable of arranging that for me.”

“Oh, so you enjoy sharing the bathroom with Laszlo then?” Diana made a show of turning back to the computer, knowing that it had been just about warfare between Nandor and Laszlo since they started sharing the same bathroom. 

“You evil… come to me!” Nandor demanded, his hand outstretched to compel her and mouth open in a silent hiss.

“For the love of,” Diana sighed and noisily stood up, tossing her glasses aside and stomped over to Nandor. She boldly sat sideways in his lap, her legs hooked over his as she cradled the side of his face. She lightly scratched her nails through his beard and booped his nose.

“Close enough, super chief?”   
Nandor jerked his head away, huffing in disgust and batted her hand away.

“Oh whoa is me, I am but enthralled - ”

“Enough,” Nandor snapped, grabbing her hand in a firm grip to keep her from running her hand over his chest. “I know you are not under my thrall. I am not stupid.” 

Diana gave a slow smile as she slightly leaned back to look at Nandor. Aside from how sickly he looked because of his vampiric paleness he was pretty attractive. He certainly felt like he was built like a brick house if her feeling up of his chest had any say.

“Don’t ever try that again on me,” Diana said, smiling, even as she layered her words with threatening intent.

“Get off me,” Nandor whined, shifting his legs like he meant to dump her on the ground. 

“You know, you’d look great with some layers,” Diana said, tucking a bit of hair behind his ears.

“Or maybe lose the hair tie and do that messy Jason Momoa side part,”

A loud gasp from the doorway made Diana whip her head around and suddenly she was falling to the floor as Nandor stood up in a rush.

“Nandor! How could you? Not my baby sister.” Nadja cried and rushed to Diana, picking her up like she was a doll. Nadja stood Diana upright and began checking her wrists and neck, pulling the neckline of Diana’s shirt down even further, inspecting her for bites.

“If you harmed one hair on my precious,”

“I did no such thing. She came to me.” 

Not finding any bites, Nadja hissed at Nandor who hissed back. 

“He tried to enthrall me,” Diana said, straighten out her shirt and swatting Nadja's hands away as she reached to check the inside of Diana’s thighs for bites through the fabric of her jeans. 

“Nandor, I told you my sister is but a beautiful stupid baby. You mustn’t use your wiles on her.” Nadja reached up and clasped Diana’s face between her cold hands. “You have to let me check your pubis for a bite. They always try to trick you into thinking they are going to make love to you with their mouth but then they bite you and drain your life blood when you really think you are to have intercourse.” 

“I did not bite her!” Nandor thundered.

“Do not yell at my helpless baby sister!” Nandja cried back.

“I am not yelling at her!”

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” 

“Shut up, Colin Robinson!” Nandor and Nadja shouted at Colin who had slithered his way into the room. Diana felt her stomach sour as she felt Colin enter the room. God he was fucking creepy.


	3. Chapter 3: Rolling

**TALKING HEAD**

_A close up of Nadja's face shows that someone has given her a very brightly colored cut crease eyeshadow look with heavy contour carving out her cheeks and her foundation is at least two shades too dark for her complexion._

NADJA: Don’t I look lovely? My baby sister is so talented.

_Cut to Diana wearing what looks like a Halloween costume version of one of Nadja's black dresses. Her makeup consists of much heavier black eyeshadow and vivid red lipstick with a foundation that is too pale for her. As if she had applied Nadja's foundation._

DIANA: So maybe sharing makeup isn’t going to really work out. 

_Cut to Laslzo sitting in the living room in his evening robe, reading a paper upside down. He has a tiny pair of glasses perched so far down on his nose that he has to slightly tilt his head back to keep them from falling off._

LASLZO: What my lady wife chooses to do with her body is her choice.

_A beat later Laslzo carefully looks side to side before flipping his news paper down so that he can lean in and whisper._

LASLZO: Just between us men I think her makeup is hideous. She has _got_ to stop Diana from doing her makeup. Nadja looks like one of those ridiculous human reality television people.

 _Roll of B footage shows a montage of Nandor and Laszlo sitting before the TV as they cycle through watching in absolute fascination, abject horror, and at some point they both start yelling at the TV, clearly watching reality television. Nandor asserts that of all the children he had, had he would never force them to do_ “that”.

LASZLO: It’s absolutely embarrassing for a vampire. Where’s the gravitas? The rrrregalness? 

_Cut to Diana carefully adjusting her dress, almost as if she’s afraid to rip the material with a sudden movement._

DIANA, _frustrated:_ So maybe I gotta watch a few more tutorials on more natural makeup. It’s not like Rome was built in a day.

* * *

CAMERA A: _Nadja and Diana are playing a two person card game that appears to involve several decks. There are cards laid out as if they are playing a memory style game as well as piles of cards as if also playing Rummy. Nadja is casually laying cards down from the few in her hand and Diana struggles to hold the many she has, clearly stressed and apparently losing._

CAMERA B: _Nandor and Laszlo are by the boarded-up bay window in the room, hunched in their seats, seemingly arguing over a ledger._

NADJA, _gleefully:_ I do believe this means I win again! 

CAMERA A: _Nadja lays down her last card and Diana furiously chucks her remaining cards onto the table._

DIANA: This game is impossible to learn.

NADJA: Oh, don’t be so upset. You’ll get it eventually. You just lose because you are human and very young. Vampire Go Fish is easy for vampires.

DIANA: Literally nothing about this resembles Go Fish.

CAMERA B: _Laszlo clears his throat and tugs at his collar, holding the ledger in hand. He appears to have been forced to be the one to bring up whatever is in the ledger._

LASZLO: My beloved lady wife. I have a… uh… question for your darling sister. 

CAMERA A: _Diana whips around in her chair looking furious. Nadja just smiles._

NADJA: What is it my dearest husband?

DIANA: I already told you, I am not having a threesome with you. 

CAMERA A: _Diana points at Laszlo and Nandor as if she’s declined this request from them multiple times._

NADJA, _laughing:_ Listen to how funny she is. She gets it from me.

CAMERA B: _Laszlo and Nandor look at each other sheepishly but also with greater hesitation as they try to bolster their courage._

LASZLO: Diana, would you care to look at the ledger?

CAMERA B: _Laszlo is visibly nervous as he motions with the ledger._

NADJA, _lightly admonishing_ : Laszlo, don’t worry her with numbers. 

CAMERA A: _Nadja waves Laszlo's request off and starts to pick up the cards again for another round. Diana stands up and looks over to Guillermo who has just entered the room. She makes her way to Laszlo and slowly takes the ledger from him, flipping it open to the bookmarked page. She looks over the page for a long moment before snapping the ledger closed and handing it back to Laszlo._

DIANA: Looks square, what’s wrong?

LASLZO: By square you mean…

DIANA: The numbers balance.

LASZLO: How to put this delicately… with all of these renovations… does that number mean we’re in the red or…

CAMERA B: _Guillermo looks absolutely stricken and wipes at his face like he’s just broken out into a cold sweat ._

CAMERA A: _Laszlo, Nandor, and even Nadja all look tense as they stare at Diana who doesn’t quite seem to share their sense of trepidation._

DIANA: Relax chief. That’s eight figures in the clear. You would not believe how much some of the shit in this house sells for. 

* * *

**TALKING HEAD**

_Nandor is seated in his room, his smile positively beaming._

NANDOR: Guillermo, my familiar, has been making sure that my assets have been appreciating and now I can have the bathroom fixed however I want.

_B footage shows Diana pulling several antique pieces from various places around the house. A clock from a spare, unused, room. A sword and shield from a linen closet. Several robes that could either have belonged to Nadja or Nandor._

NANDOR: This is what happens when you choose well like I have.

_B footage shows Diana on the phone in a heated discussion as she points to various furnishings and antiques for movers to take._

NANDOR: He has even created a – what do the humans call it – a Roth IRA in his own name so that some of my wealth is hidden. 

_B footage shows Diana hovering over Guillermo’s shoulder at the shared computer, pointing to different locations on the screen, coaching him how to set up his retirement fund._

NANDOR: These terrible Americans tax everything and steal your wealth. Do they not understand that I should be collecting tax from the peasants I protect? 

_B footage shows Nandor scaring off a Labrador that has gotten loose near their street, the owner frantically running after the dog. Nandor turns to look at the camera, pleased with himself for running off what he had suspected to be a werewolf._

_Cut to Diana and Guillermo apologizing to the dog owner and telling the man that Nandor is a method actor. Diana slips the man some money to make him a little more agreeable._

_Back to the house, Guillermo clutching several brooms and a duster._

GUILLERMO: So, yeah, Diana has been helping with the finances. They’re things… that I, you know, if I had wanted to, could have, maybe, sort of, been doing but, like, it’s just finding the time – _virtually inaudible_ – and if I knew how to do it.

_Diana, out in the garden, with almost comically large garden shears in hand. She has them slightly open, a wispy branch between the blades, ready to be snipped._

DIANA: Couple of years back I was dating this banker type. Turns out he was helping these truly horrendous Wall Street guys fleece money from some charity. He loved talking about banking stuff and so I convinced him to set me up a very clutch IRA. I felt zero percent bad for selling his Maybach for two hundred thousand and dumping that into my savings. But also getting him arrested. That felt pretty good. 


	4. Chapter 4: Off Camera

Diana stretched her legs out and gently patted at the mud mask on her face. It was about time to take it off.

“How do you do it?” Guillermo asked as the credits started to roll on the movie they had been watching.

“Do what?” Diana asked, scratching ever so lightly at her face. 

“Get your master to agree to new things. To buy new things.” Diana turned to look at Guillermo, his face also painted green in the same mud mask that she wore. 

“I just make it seem like it’s her idea… and lie that she’s the only vampire without it.” Guillermo gave a brief bark of laughter and then looked dismayed.

He asked nervously, “But what if she finds out you’re lying?” 

“I’m her idiot baby sister,” Diana said, imitating Nadja’s accent for a moment. “She thinks I’m too stupid to lie to her.” 

“Guillermo,” Nandor said, suddenly appearing in the living room, making both Diana and Guillermo jump in surprise. 

“Ye-yes, Master?” Guillermo stuttered, flustered as he pulled at his shirt and went to touch his face but stopped just before he touched the mask that he had on. 

“Come, the sun is nearly up and I need help preparing for sleep.” Guillermo started to get up but Diana put her hand on his knee and, even though her face was covered in green mud, she looked suddenly very tired and quite sad. 

“But Guillermo promised me he’d help me with my woman’s time,” Diana said, looking forlornly from Nandor to Guillermo and back as she took Guillermo’s hand in her own.

Nandor lightly reeled back, looking a mix between disgusted but intrigued but also very much like he no longer wanted to be there. 

“Guillermo, make that,” Nandor waved at Diana as if he were rapidly trying to come up with the right thing to say. “Do whatever it is you need to. I cannot be near this.” As suddenly as he had come, Nandor left and Diana settled back on the couch she was sharing with Guillermo.

“That was a terrible lie,” Guillermo whispered frantically. “He can smell,”

“Please, I’m not new at this. Mix a lie into a bit of truth. I am on my period but I’ve taken enough pain killers to keep everything manageable. Besides, we need to take these masks off and apply some moisturizer. And I still want to watch that space movie before I go to bed.”

The next night Nadja cornered Diana and took her hands in her own, her expression very serious as she gazed up at Diana.

“I can smell it is your time,” Nadja said without prompting. Diana flushed a bit, not necessarily embarrassed but kind of freaked out that Nadja could smell the fact she was on her period. 

“Okay,” Diana said.

“You should not be alone with Nandor or Laszlo,” Nadja said and looked to the side for a moment, "especially Laszlo,” she shook her head and then looked back to Diana. “Your moon blood sexually excites them but they will deny it. It is like the anal sex. They pretend they don’t want it but they do. It is why I have a false penis as I know Laszlo very much enjoys the anal sex.” Diana felt her eyebrows shoot up high, not expecting to hear this, or details about Laszlo’s sex life that she could have lived without. 

“I promise I won’t have sex with either of them,” Diana said, hoping that that would end the conversation.

“Don’t be silly,” Nadja said dismissively, “Please feel free to manipulate Nandor or Laszlo with your sex. You must always be in control of your body.” Nadja reached up and cradled Diana’s face between her pale cool hands and gave a delicate sigh. “I am concerned that, if you are alone with either of them during this time, they will not be able to control themselves and will kill you in a bloodlust frenzy.” Diana gave a slight shiver, feeling concern start to creep in. “I have just found you and I do not want to lose you again.” Touched, Diana cupped Nadja’s hands over her face and smiled down at the smaller woman. 

“Nadja,” Diana said, her eyes becoming glossy.

“Which is why I have Laslzo tied up and have been keeping him busy with sexual activities. He cannot get to you so you must make sure that Guillermo keeps Nandor busy.” Diana felt whatever tender moment they had just shared, leave, and she tried hard to keep from frowning. 

“Do… you want me to have Guillermo keep… Nandor,”

“What Guillermo and Nandor do in private is their business,” Nadja said, releasing Diana’s face and fussing with the white cuffs of her oversized sleeves. “Now, I must go as Laslzo has had a vibrating plug in his ass for several hours and he gets bored if I leave him alone too long.” With that Nadja turned on her heel and left Diana standing in the hallway of the second floor. That had been certainly something. 

The next time Diana found herself alone with Nandor was several days later, not too long after the contractor had left for the day. Nandor’s bathroom looked almost worse than when it had started and Guillermo was too allergic to the plaster dust to help clean up so Diana was trying to tidy up what she could. 

“Is it done?” Nandor asked, coming to stand almost on top of Diana’s hands. She was kneeling on the floor, picking up tools the contractor had left and placing them in a bucket so she could stash them in the bathroom. 

“Nowhere near done,” Diana said without looking up. She felt Nandor’s knee push against her shoulder and she called out at him as she wobbled for balance.

“What’s the big idea?” Diana demanded, gripping a pair of pliers extra tight in her hand as she glared up at Nandor. It wasn’t even cold out and yet he was in a robe, knee length jacket, a vest, most likely a long sleeve shirt, thick pants, and knee high boots. All the fabric felt oppressive. 

“You are Nadja’s familiar, yes, but you will not speak to me like this,” Nandor said sternly. Diana was so mad she felt like she could growl. In a fit, Diana surged to her feet and used Nandor’s shock to push him back against the wall of the hallway. Diana placed her palms flat against the wall above Nandor’s shoulders and went up on her tiptoes a bit so that she could be exactly eyelevel with Nandor. 

“I am Nadja’s beloved sister reborn into a mortal body,” Diana said lowly, her breaths becoming deep, causing her chest to touch Nandor’s, they were so close. “I may not have her vampiric powers but I am not without a way to strike you down.” Diana held Nandor’s gaze for several long beats of silence, letting her anger rile her up more and more. She was tired of his pettiness. 

“I am afraid of no succubus,” Nandor said, his words firm but a pinch of worry drew his brow close. Diana tried to smother her surprise as she felt Nandor’s erection against her hip. Without realizing it she had crowded him even more, using all of her height and size to try and make him cower. 

Smiling, Diana wrapped a lock of Nandor’s hair around her index finger and gently tugged on it. “I could eat your soul and leave you a husk and you’d thank me for it,” Diana said, her tone light, almost conversational. 

Nandor stiffened for a moment before saying adamantly, “I will not be a fool and be seduced by a she-devil.” 

Diana roughly pushed away from Nandor, not caring that she didn’t quite release his hair as she stepped back. 

“When you get lonely, come find me,” Diana said, letting her smile deaden so that it didn’t reach her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5: Rolling

**TALKING HEAD**

_Diana sits in her room, absently playing with a very old Rubik’s Cube. She appears to have abandoned wearing knock-offs of Nadja’s outfits and is instead in a monochromatic maroon ensemble that appears rather casual. Her make-up is nowhere near as severe as Nadja’s but it is fancier looking than her normal routine._

DIANA: Oh, yeah, this whole succubus thing and Nadja keeping me protected from Nandor definitely has a shelf life. But, you know, I’m definitely going to keep this up as long as I can. Besides, Laszlo says he fucks like a machine so I’m not really sad about it.

_B footage shows a montage of Diana lurking behind Nandor in different rooms. Nandor looks distressed each time when he realizes Diana is near him but he seems to gain his resolve as he demands Diana leave him alone._

DIANA: I’m just hoping that he doesn’t decide to, you know – _Diana makes a slicing motion across her neck_ – because that would really suck.

* * *

CAMERA A: _All of the house occupants but Colin Robinson are squeezed into Nandor’s newly renovated bathroom. There are two fake stain glass windows on one wall that open to nowhere and the bathroom is a bright mix of glossy cobalt colored tiles and deep reds with accents of burnished yellow and vivid green. There is a claw foot bathtub large enough to fit a person even larger than Nandor and the shower has four shower heads. The remodel is beautiful but everyone is focused on the toilet._

NANDOR, _gesturing to the toilet_ : I don’t get it.

LASZLO: It’s called a toilet, old chap.

NANDOR, _annoyed:_ Yes, I know what it is but why is it here?

GUILLERMO: Because… it’s a, um, bathroom… Master? 

NANDOR: Guillermo, your disgusting human body cannot use my bathroom.

CAMERA B: _Close-up of Guillermo looking concerned and also offended as his comment clearly hadn’t been a plea to use the bathroom._

DIANA: Actually, you should let him use at least the toilet. 

CAMERA A: _Everyone turns sharply to look at Diana who is standing there, staring at the toilet with her arms crossed over her chest as if she’s just idly thinking._

DIANA: If you don’t then it’ll ruin the plumbing and eventually the toilet will make the shower explode.

CAMERA B: _Nandor looks to Laszlo who looks to Nadja who just shrugs. None of them were human when modern indoor plumbing came about and they seemingly can’t refute Diana._

GUILLERMO: Oh, I-

NADJA: Nandor, thank Diana for being so helpful. That mortal handyman didn’t even tell you this. And we gave him all that money. Shame.

CAMERA A: _Laszlo and Guillermo both fake spit as if it’s habit after Nadja pronounces shame on someone. Nandor’s lips purse as if he’s smelled something sour and he appears to hesitate to say anything._

NADJA: Nandor, thank my beautiful and smart, but also quite often dumb, baby sister. She is saving you from an untimely death as pipes burst and then impale you all over your body. Maybe even possibly decapitating you.

CAMERA B: _Nandor looks aghast at possibly dying from the shower but equally leery of Diana who he is still unsure is capable of causing him serious bodily harm or not._

CAMERA A: _Colin Robinson enters and Diana begins to look worried. Colin is the only one of the vampires that would be able to offer a counter point to her made-up toilet rule._

COLIN: Hey, guys-

LASZLO: Do you hear that? My toaster must be ringing. BAT!

CAMERA B: _Laszlo, now a bat, flees the bathroom and Nadja looks visibly annoyed at having been abandoned._

NADJA: Yes, I too, hear something.

CAMERA A: _Guillermo, Nandor, and Diana watch as Nadja flees after Laszlo. Colin hovers just past the door, his ever present guileless half-smile plastered onto his face._

DIANA: Oh, man, I am so hungry. Being mortal is the worst. Hey, Guillermo, you said you’re hungry too, right? We should totally go eat before our Master’s need us for something.

CAMERA A: _Diana grabs Guillermo’s hand and they flee together, leaving just Nandor and Colin alone together. They eye each other, Nandor wanting to desperately leave but yet not give up the space in his new bathroom._

* * *

**TALKING HEAD**

_Guillermo is in the kitchen, slowly and carefully cutting up a red onion. The kitchen looks old and like the appliances haven’t been updated in 30 years but it looks significantly cleaner than it used to._

GUILLERMO: It was clever but I don’t think she should have lied about it like that. I’m sure my master and I could have come to some sort of arrangement. If I wanted to use the bathroom that is. 

_Diana is in the library, five robot vacuums surrounding her as she holds up a large sheet of instructions, trying to figure out how to assemble the devices._

DIANA: I’m not sorry about the bathroom thing. Guillermo needs to stick up for himself more. And the toilet will eventually start to smell if no one uses it. So am I really the bad guy here? 


	6. *Chapter 6: Off Camera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where we earn that E rating and *lean* into that succubus roleplaying.

Diana can’t quite get the image of Laszlo dressed up in strappy leather out of her head and, to hopefully distract herself, she crept into Nandor’s bathroom to use it. Nadja and Laszlo were doing something rather acrobatic in the bathroom Diana shared with Nadja and all she wanted to do was shower. 

With it being so close to sunrise Diana felt mostly safe in using Nandor’s bathroom. There were few locking doors in the house – something Diana was absolutely fixing as soon as she could place an online order – and so there was a bit of a gamble using the bathroom.

But as soon as Diana was naked and enjoying the hot stream of not one but four shower heads she really didn’t care about the lock on the door. Diana lost track of time as she stood under the spray of water. Normally she was a ‘quick as you can be’ sort of showerer, especially now that she was living with vampires, but it felt wonderful to lean into the hedonistic luxury of such a swanky shower. Diana reached out to one of the shower heads, her fingertips just barely resting on the plate and sighed as she stretched, her eyes closed under the steady rain of water. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Nandor’s brisk demand made Diana jerk her head back from the stream of water and she blinked furiously, trying to clear her vision. The glass doors were completely transparent, no privacy shadowing of any kind, and Diana was shocked to see Nandor standing in a thick navy robe. More shocking still was that she belatedly realized Nandor could see her too. 

Diana felt her heart barely calm down, still surprised by Nandor, but she tried to quickly come up with something to say. She could yell at him to get out. She could scold him for staying in the bathroom when it was clearly occupied. She could continue to convince him she was a succubus. 

Diana drew one hand down at a time, letting her left hand skim down the side of her body as she rocked on her feet. 

“What does it look like?” Diana asked in return, turning slowly on her heel so that her back was to him. She tilted her head back and may have played it up how much she was enjoying the shower. 

“You,” Nandor said heatedly. Diana looked over her shoulder, Nandor blurry for a moment as her vision cleared of the water, and saw Nandor shrug out of his bathrobe and drop it to the floor. It landed in a heavy and definite thud and Nandor’s long strides chewed up the tiny distance until he was pulling open the glass door and he was in the shower with Diana. 

Diana stumbled back a step, a hand reaching out to keep Nandor at bay and the other moving backward so that she could keep herself from falling against the tile wall. Nandor was stripped down to nothing, obviously his clothes were gone, but it was strange to see him without a single piece of jewelry on or even his hair pulled back. Instead it was completely down and raked to one side as if he had finger combed it a bit.

“This is my bathroom. How dare you defile it with your evil succubus,”

“Shh,” Diana cautioned and pressed her index finger against Nandor’s lips, silencing him. She felt electric in that moment. Fully aware that they were both naked. Diana took a moment to admire Nandor’s strong build and how, even without all those layers of clothes, his shoulders were still broad. His thighs were thick and slightly bowed, as if he was still used to riding a horse every day, and it only served to highlight the way Nandor’s cock was half-hard. 

“Kneel,” Diana whispered, her finger still pressed to his lips. Nandor was quiet and unmoving for so long that Diana thought she hadn’t even spoken at all but, slowly, Nandor shifted down to his knees, his gaze never leaving Diana’s even as the water from the showerheads ran down his face.

“You can say no,” Diana murmured, reaching out to caress Nandor’s cheek with her fingertips. “Succubus’s honor.” Nandor staid on his knees, silent as he continued to stare up at her. Diana smiled and shuffled back a half step so that she could lean against the tile wall. It was warm from the shower and also from the hidden heating panels but she still shivered as the tile touched her skin. The shiver raced down her whole body and she palmed her own breast as her nipples pebbled.

Diana bent one knee and it was as if it was the sign Nandor had been waiting for. His movements were strangely liquid as he melted against her, his large hand lifting her thigh up and over his shoulder so that he could bury his face between her thighs. 

Diana dug her fingers into the tile wall, struck silent as she tried to process the feel of Nandor’s tongue sliding back and forth against her clit. The dexterity he had felt preternatural and Diana found her leg that was still planted on the floor shaking as Nandor kissed her as if he meant to devour her. When he angled her hips out more and thrust his tongue inside of her, Diana nearly collapsed. The excitement of the situation was so overwhelming that Diana found herself coming sooner than she wanted, using her own hand to cover her mouth as she called out. 

Every brush of Nandor’s tongue against her clit made her jerk in response until she had to push his head away and cup her own groin, as if she were trying to fend off the lingering aftershocks of orgasm. 

Diana lowered her leg from Nandor’s shoulder and stood there on shaky legs for a moment. Her breaths came heavy, like she couldn’t quite remember how to breathe, and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to remain standing for much longer. 

Slowly looking down to Nandor, her lips parted on each deep breath, Diana shivered as she realized Nandor was now fully hard and he looked… he looked ready to eat her up. 

“That’s enough for tonight,” Diana whispered and took uneven steps passed Nandor and out of the shower so she could wrap herself up in her towel.


	7. Chapter 7: Rolling

CAMERA A: _Diana and Guilllermo are standing at the entry way, looking as if they are ready to go out. The sun has just set but it is still the tiniest bit light outside. Diana is in a floor length Kelly green dress that has full sleeves that reach her wrists, tightening into cuffs with large gold buttons. A heavy gold necklace is layered around her neck and softly rattles as she animatedly talks to Guillermo. Guillermo is tugging at his clothes as if he is uncomfortable in the all black ensemble. He has on a wide brimmed felt hat in black, nearly the same shade of black as his knee length cardigan. His black shirt and pants are just slightly lighter but the only pop of color are the purple lensed glasses he wears._

GUILLERMO: I can’t go out in this.

DIANA: We’ve talked about this, you’ve got to come up with a look.

GUILLERMO: But does it have to be this one?

DIANA: Listen, it’s just ice cream. I dressed up too. We’ll look fancy together. 

CAMERA A: _Diana lightly pats her under eyes with the pad of her ring finger, calling attention to the heavy eye make-up she’s applied, her winged eyeliner overly exaggerated._

GUILLERMO: What if we left off the hat for-

NANDOR, _enters off camera_ : What are you doing?

CAMERA B: _Nandor is wearing a floor length fur coat over a burgundy Safavid suit and he stands with one hand lightly gripping the lapel of his fur coat as if to better show off the rings he has stacked on his fingers and cuffs on his wrists._

GUILLERMO, _stammering:_ M-master!

DIANA: None of your business.

GUILLERMO: We’re going out for ice cream. 

CAMERA A: _Guillermo looks panicked as he looks from Diana to Nandor and back, clearly distraught by Diana’s flippant attitude._

NANDOR, _lightly scolding_ : Guillermo! Why did you not tell me? I love ice cream. 

DIANA: Uh… I thought-

NANDOR: It makes the blood sweeter. I am coming with you.

CAMERA B: _Nandor looks to Guillermo as if it is final. In the distance an ecstatic cry can be heard, Nadja’s cry turning into a scream of pleasure followed by Laszlo’s equally loud cry. Nandor blanches._

NANDOR: Off we go!

DIANA: Hold on one second.

CAMERA A: _Diana cuts her gaze to Guillermo, her eyes narrowing as she appears to be thinking_. 

DIANA: We need a wardrobe change.

_Cut to Diana, Guillermo, and Nandor standing outside of an outdoor ice cream shop, Diana almost suggestively licking the ice cream cone she has bought while Guillermo chews nervously on his spoon. Nandor is slightly apart from them, his gaze riveted on all the people as he appears to be trying to make a decision on who to bite._

GUILLERMO: I don’t know if putting him in that was necessary.

DIANA: It was completely necessary.

CAMERA B: _Nandor is slowly stalking toward a group of women who look as if they have just wrapped up a PTA meeting and are treating themselves before going home to their families. The group quickly takes notice, growing quiet as Nandor approaches. He is in brown leather pants and a white billowing shirt that is tucked in. All of his jewelry has been removed and his hair is completely down but raked mostly to one side, giving him a side part._

CAMERA A: _Diana bites her bottom lip as she watches Nandor breach the group, towering above them head and shoulders, looking incongruous amongst all of the athleisure clad women._

GUILLERMO: I just don’t think dressing him up like a pirate was really needed.

DIANA: This was really for me. Besides, no one is giving you a second glance. Don’t you want to have your aesthetic down before you become a vampire?

CAMERA A: _Guillermo slowly eats his ice cream, clearly looking uncomfortable for a moment before he turns ashen._

GUILLERMO, _softly:_ Oh no.

CAMERA B: _Nandor is in the middle of the women who are clearly feeling him up. He looks annoyed and hisses at one woman who just laughs, pointing at his fangs as if it’s the most hysterical thing she’s seen._

GUILLERMO: You should go help him.

DIANA: Me? Absolutely not. He’s your master. And anyway, he got himself into that mess. He can get himself out.

CAMERA A: _Cut to some time later, the women are gone and Guillermo and Diana have finished their ice cream. Guillermo has taken off his hat and cardigan, clutching at the hat over and over as Nandor complains about his unsuccessful hunt._

NANDOR: Guillermo, you can never let me go out like this again. I am nearly naked and those women laughed at me. 

DIANA: Sue wasn’t laughing when she put her hand down your-

GUILLERMO: Of course! Of course, it won’t ever happen again. 

CAMERA B: _Nandor is seen stomping away down the sidewalk, a car passes and someone leans out the window, their slurred shout of_ “Argh!” _and_ “Matey!” _quickly fading as they speed by._

CAMERA A: _Guillermo looks upset and is frowning as he stares down at the ground. Diana looks forlorn for a minute, regretful for upsetting Guillermo._

GUILLERMO: Why do you wind him up like that? He gets so unbearable when he’s in a mood.

DIANA: I-I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I promise to make sure he’s in a good mood.

CAMERA A: _Guillermo and Diana stare at each other for a long moment before each sheepishly breaking into a smile, moving to hug each other. Diana ruffles his hair and gives him a quick kiss on the crown of his head before ripping his hat out of his hands and roughly forcing it onto his head._

DIANA: Just wear the damn hat. Please. 


	8. *Chapter 8: Off Camera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where the roleplaying gets a little more goofy but hopefully still steamy.

Diana could practically feel her heart beating in her throat as she tip-toed her way to Nandor’s room. It had taken a bit of finagling but she had finally gotten Guillermo busy with a project to hopefully keep him occupied the rest of the night. 

By the grace of whatever was holy, Nadja and Laszlo were now quiet, still sequestered away in their room, and so Diana was mostly hopeful that she’d make it to Nandor’s room without incident. 

Unsurprising given the overall security of the house, Nandor’s door was unlocked and barely made a sound as she carefully opened and closed it.

The room was dominated by a coffin and only a handful of candles were lit, giving the room a dramatic and moody ambience that made it difficult for Diana to make out Nandor’s prone form on the bed. 

Diana froze as Nandor’s head sharply lifted up from the bed, his gaze zeroing in on her as he bared his fangs. In a flash he was on her, his movements too quick to be seen as Diana flattened herself against the door, clutching the skirt of her dress in her hands. 

“You are not welcome here you little witch,” Nandor said darkly, one of his hands holding her throat in a firm grip. Diana felt it when she swallowed against his hand and prayed her plan was going to work. 

“Of course I am,” Diana tried to say calmly. She could feel the way her throat moved against Nandor’s hand. He wasn’t hurting her or forcing her back but she was definitely very aware of his hand on her. 

_“No,_ you are not.”

 _“Yes,_ I am,” Diana said firmly, gently resting her palms on his chest and smoothing them up until they were at his shoulders. Nandor was still in the white shirt and brown leather pants that she had urged him into and she could feel the light scratch of his chest hair on one palm where his shirt gaped a little more. 

“You are under my thrall, Nandor,” Diana said, trying hard not to blink as she stared into Nandor’s dark eyes. “You _want_ me here. You _welcome_ me here.” Nandor’s pinched brow softened a moment, as if he was unsure of himself. 

“I-”

“I am a succubus,” Diana murmured, lightly pushing on Nandor’s shoulders, shivering as she thrilled at the way Nandor took a step back and let her press him against the bedroom wall. “I know everything about men’s desires.” Nandor’s hand fell away from her throat as Diana ran her hands down his arms and grabbed his wrists, raising his hands above his head and pressed them against the wall.

Her body pressed tight to his, Diana could feel the way her deep breaths pushed against Nandor. He was utterly still against the wall, not a breath or gasp lifting his chest as he stared at her. Could he hear her own thundering heart? 

“I am not some weak mortal,” Nandor protested, his gaze turning flinty as he shifted against her.

“You can’t help it, Nandor,” Diana whispered, pressing firmly against Nandor for a moment so that her breasts all but flattened against his chest. “You’re already under my power.”

Diana tried to hide the way her hands shook as she released Nandor and took a step back. This was where her plan was either going to crash and burn like an unfortunate blimp or take off. 

“I am not!” Nandor said defiantly.

“Then why can’t you step away from the wall?” Diana asked, biting down on her bottom lip as she started to breathe heavier and her heart thudded louder in her chest. She swore she could see her dress above her breast tremble from the beating of her heart. 

Nandor, his hands still raised above his head and pressed into the wall, looked to his right hand and grunted as he tried to use all of his strength to lift his hand from the wall. His whole arm began to tremble and his chest even shook as he couldn’t do more than dig his nails into his palm and barely lift his knuckles from the wall. 

In disbelief Nandor turned his shocked expression to Diana before looking to his left hand and trying to lift that one with equally disastrous results.

Nandor hissed and growled at Diana, his chest rising and falling almost theatrically as he began breathing like a bull. Diana tried to hide the way she flinched, still unsure of the game they were playing. 

“Tell me, wh-what do you desire?” Diana asked, her hands moving to clutch at her skirt again. 

“I desire you to let me go,” Nandor hissed at her, trying to lift both hands this time, his heels digging into the ground as he fought against the invisible restraints. 

“No you don’t,” Diana said, taking slow steps back toward Nandor, her hands lightly pressing against his chest again, running up and down his torso. “Tell me,” Diana whispered, going up onto tip toe so she could whisper into Nandor’s ear. His mouth was dangerously close to her throat and she shivered as he let out a cool breath over her skin. 

“Tell me,” Diana urged him again, turning her head so that her nose lightly bumped his cheek, his beard tickling her lips. She let her hands drift down until her fingers were hooked inside the lip of his pants. 

Nandor opened and closed his mouth as if he were on the verge of saying something and Diana let out a bit of an exaggerated moan as she let her body sink against Nandor’s and lightly bit at his earlobe. 

“I am compelling you to tell me,” Diana urged, her fingers tugging at his shirt so that she painstakingly pulled it free of his pants.

“Those women laughed at me,” Nandor said, his words tight as he shivered against Diana’s hands as she drew her nails through the hair below his navel. “I was… I am,”

“You are a great General that has conquered hundreds of thousands of souls,” Nandor stiffened underneath her, his hands sliding down a fraction along the wall, “Those women were fools to laugh at you.” 

Diana inched away from Nandor enough so that she could press her palms against Nandor’s stomach and draw her hands up his chest, his shirt catching on her wrists and rising up. Caught up in the game for a moment Diana gave Nandor a quick but fierce kiss. 

Nandor gently nodded his head in agreement, breathing heavily and shifting under her hands as she lightly pressed her nails into his skin. 

“Come to me, Nandor,” Diana said, blushing furiously, trying to keep from stuttering as she ramped up the game. “Conquer _me.”_

Nandor’s hands fell heavily to his sides and for a horrible second Diana thought she had overstepped.

In a rush Nandor gathered Diana into his arms, lifting her up so that he could carry her across the room and press her back against the other wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. 

Diana weakly called out as Nandor buried his face into her throat, his mouth sucking at her skin hard enough to leave a bruise but his fangs never breaking the skin. His beard rasped along her skin as he pressed kiss after kiss up her throat until he took her mouth with his own, his tongue filling her mouth and muffling her moans. 

Diana grabbed at Nandor’s shirt, blindly trying to pull the neckline wider so she could run her hands over his bare skin. 

Gasping, Diana turned her face away from Nandor, breathless as her lungs fought for air. 

She felt Nandor yank at the skirt of her dress and she reached to help him, pulling the fabric up and feeling as he fumbled with the front of his pants before roughly yanking her underwear aside. 

Diana slammed her head against the wall as she felt Nandor thrust inside of her, his cock thick and suddenly just there. Speechless, Diana let her mouth hang open as she squeezed her eyes shut, overwhelmed by Nandor as he began to thrust steadily into her. 

She was wet, she could feel it in the way Nandor sank deeper and deeper into her, but the suddenness of his length inside of her couldn’t erase the fact that it felt as if she could tell every distinct inch of him as he thrust in and out. 

“God, _Nandor,”_ Diana cursed and finally opened her eyes as Nandor hissed. He grabbed up her hands, lifting them above her head and captured them in one hand as he pinned them to the wall. With his other hand he cupped her ass, keeping her up against the wall so he could thrust harder and harder until Diana’s back was knocking into the wall enough that it rattled the pictures hanging by. 

Nandor growled at her and lunged forward so that his mouth was sucking at her throat again, this time on the other side, leaving a matching bruise. He nuzzled his way down to her breasts, releasing her hands so he could pin her in place and rip the neckline of her gown open, roughly pushing the cup of her bra down and taking her breast in his mouth. 

Diana groaned and cradled Nandor’s head against her, threading her fingers through his thick hair and pulling as he sucked on her nipple. 

“You cannot stop me,” Nandor proclaimed, his mouth leaving her breast with a pop.

“I can’t,” Diana agreed breathlessly, running her hands over his shoulders. 

Diana nearly shrieked as Nandor stepped back from her and tossed her onto the bed. She bounced on the bed and flailed for a moment as she tried to make sense of what was up and what was down. Nandor was right on her though, dragging her backwards on the bed along her stomach until her legs hung over the edge.

Diana grabbed fistfuls of the sheets as Nandor flipped her skirt up and ripped her underwear away, flinging it aside before grabbing her hips and thrusting his cock back inside of her. Diana cried out weakly and then turned her face into the bed, freely screaming in pleasure as Nandor set a punishing pace. Her toes skidded against the carpet as she searched for purchase to brace herself. No matter how much she tried she couldn’t keep pace with him and writhed on the bed, gathering the covers to her face so she could scream and cry out, begging Nandor to take her harder until she came. 

Her orgasm blacked out her vision and she could only feel her hair cover her face instead of see it as she turned her head to the side, the sweet rush of pleasure spiraling from between her thighs and up her spine until it coiled at the base of her skull. 

Nandor merely grunted as he felt her tighten around his cock and fucked her through her orgasm, one hand pushing firmly between her shoulder blades to keep her in place as his other hand slid between her hips and the bed, a finger finding her clit and beginning to rub in time with his rapid thrusts. 

Diana cursed over and over, burying her face into the bed once more and letting out a long earthy yell as she came, her legs twitching as she fought to pull away from Nandor’s unrelenting touch.

Not satisfied, Nandor grabbed Diana by the shoulders, lifting her bodily up so that she was bent backwards in his hands as he thrust ever harder and faster into her. 

Diana bit down on her lower lip to keep quiet as Nandor wrapped one arm across her chest and pulled on her hair with his other hand, baring her throat. His triumphant cry muffled by biting down onto Diana’s shoulder, Nandor came, his cock pulsing as he thrust a dozen more times before stilling inside of her. 

All too soon Nandor released Diana from his hold and she collapsed heavily onto the bed, her hair splayed along her face and sticking to her lips as she took deep breaths through her mouth. When he stepped away from the bed Diana moaned to feel his cock slide out of her and drew her legs together at the loss of feeling him there. 

Diana weakly clutched at the bed, softly whispering, “Holy shit,” over and over as she tried to calm down. 

Apparently not done, Nandor grabbed Diana about the waist and rolled her onto her back. Diana carelessly raked her hair out of her face and covered her one bare breast, shivering at the strange chill of only being partially naked. 

Nandor was at the foot of the bed, having taken his shirt off but his pants were still on, undone just enough to bare himself so that he could fuck her. His hair was wild about his shoulders and his fangs stood out vividly against the darkness of his beard.

With a shaking hand Diana touched her shoulder where Nandor had bit her. She felt the harsh impression of teeth but when she brought her tremoring fingers in front of her eyes there wasn’t any blood. 

Nandor placed a heavy knee between her spread thighs and hovered over her, his hands spanning the width of her hips as he held her.

“You will ride me until I am satisfied,” Nandor said, his fangs cutting into his bottom lip as he looked down at her. Diana just nodded her head and fucking _trembled._

**Author's Note:**

> Like a lot of people these last 7+ months have been rough and I have gone through spurts of being really motivated to write and not so motivated to write. I've finally gotten tired of waiting for inspiration to strike to post a more complete product so everything in the Summer Slump series will be a WIP with varying degrees of editing


End file.
